Chancellor Osbourne Suffering Dizziness
The Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Gideon Osbourne, was admitted to hospital earlier today with dizziness attributed to successive policy U-turns.
It seems barely a day goes by it when the Chancellor doesn’t backtrack on a previously announced economic policy. Yesterday’s about-face on fuel duty joins the short-lived charity, pasty, and caravan taxes.
Osbourne, the finely-wrought creation of actor Daniel Hill from the BBC sitcom Waiting For God, has reportedly spun around so quickly on previously announced tax ideas that the camp Chancellor couldn’t walk in a straight line.
Despite the air of not-having-a-fucking-clue, pollsters report that the public prefer “Giddy Gideon” as Chancellor compared to the “muttering idiot” option of Gordon Brown’s eyeballing henchman Ed “Sucks” Balls who presided over a sustained period of unregulated mortgages, the largest house-price rises in history, and bankrupting levels of borrowing and spending (but who still bullishly maintains it was a “global economic crisis”).