Life Or Death For Jubilee Concert Performers

Move over Simon Cowell. Whilst the X-Factor judge is considered to wield considerable power in the music industry, there’s not a harsher judge than Her Majesty The Queen. Nervous performers are busy rehearsing for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee concert on Monday the 4th of June as if their lives depended on it, which they do.

Life Or Death For Jubilee Concert PerformersAccording to sources at Buckingham Palace, any act that displeases the Queen will be beheaded at The Tower of London. Royal-watchers will be analysing the Queen’s reaction to each turn and should a single sign of displeasure pass across her face, the offending act will be instantly whisked to The Tower.

Performers, including Shirley Bassey and Paul McCartney, have been practising their act to the point of exhaustion so as not to mess up at the Jubilee Concert, and Gary Barlow is apparently shitting himself.

Incidentally, we understand that the correct Royal pronunciation of Jubilee is “Jubbly” as Derek Trotter would say in “Only Fools & Horses”. Any performers mispronouncing Jubilee will probably fail to survive.